Got it. It's funnier spoken aloud, so I made a video version. Attached. Enjoy.
It's a long one.
[Embedded is a video with a clear shot of... two sock puppets. Yes, sock puppets. One green sock, one navy blue sock. He even put decorative pins where the eyes should be. For the two puppets, he'll be using two very different tones to differentiate between the characters talking. The green one comes across as very calm and composed, often deadpan and sarcastic. Not too different from his usual speech. The blue one, on the other hand, comes across as reactive and easily goaded.]
Hey, what would you be willing to trade for a flying car?
What do you mean?
Say some German scientist comes up to you and says "I have invented the flying car. I will give it to you on one condition." [He uses an obvious German accent to do the scientist's line.]
What's the condition?
He's not going to tell you.
Then it's no deal.
The guy is offering you the flying car. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Just take the car, man.
Not until I know what the catch is.
Fine, the catch is you gotta cut off a foot.
Pffft, no way.
Are you saying you wouldn't cut off your foot for the flying car? You're that selfish?
It's my foot! How am I supposed to walk?
What 'walk'? You'll have the flying car. Imagine the money you'd make off of it. After that you could buy fifty prosthetic feet.
Well... which foot. Right or left?
Your choice.
Okay, I'll trade my left foot for the flying car.
So it's a deal then. Your foot for the flying car. You're sure.
Yes, I'm sure.
You can't welch.
I won't welch.
Because the whole world is counting on you.
What the hell kind of scientist is this guy anyway?
One with a lot of free time on his hands. And a foot fetish. So, then what happens is you find out the guy's going to take off your foot with a hacksaw—
What?
And no anesthetic.
Screw that!
Come on, it's part of the deal.
You didn't say that before!
Come on, it only hurts when they're taking the foot off. After that they'll use a local on your stuff and cauterize the wound.
Why can't I have the local before he cuts it off??
Because. He is a sick degenerate that watched too many WWII documentaries and likes to inflict pain.
You said he was a man of science!
You don't think Einstein liked hacking people's feet off, but nobody ever said a thing about it because he was one of the greatest thinkers of our time. Come on, man, take the hit for the team. It's a few seconds of pain for a lifetime of riches and zero traffic.
Fiiiine. As long as I get the local as soon as he's done cutting.
So you want the local?
Who am I, the Marquis de Sade? Yes, I want the local!
... All right.
Why'd you say it like that for?
It's just, the local he gives you knocks you out, and when you're out he diddles your peeny.
Oh come on!
Hey, man. You made the deal.
To trade my foot for the flying car! Not to be tortured and molested by some mad German scientist.
And his friends.
What?
Just, when he's done with you he gives his friends a shot at you too.
Deal's off!
What are you, some kind of homophobe?
No, I just don't want to be diddled by some insane German scientist and his friends after they've hacked my foot off!
Need I remind you this is for the flying car?
It ain't worth it!
See, you're what's wrong with this world. You're always thinking about your own comfort level, never thinking about the rest of us. And you'll forever be remembered as the sad footnote in the book of life, the wimpy little scumbag who could've breached the chasm of becoming and being, but instead opted to cover his own ass and foot in the process.
All right! I'll go through with the deal. I'll let the German scientist hack my foot off, then him and his friends can have their way with me, all for the flying caaaaaar.
...You'd do it with a bunch of guys just to get a car?
text + embedded video; cw: mentions of amputation and molestation
It's a long one.
[Embedded is a video with a clear shot of... two sock puppets. Yes, sock puppets. One green sock, one navy blue sock. He even put decorative pins where the eyes should be. For the two puppets, he'll be using two very different tones to differentiate between the characters talking. The green one comes across as very calm and composed, often deadpan and sarcastic. Not too different from his usual speech. The blue one, on the other hand, comes across as reactive and easily goaded.]
Hey, what would you be willing to trade for a flying car?
What do you mean?
Say some German scientist comes up to you and says "I have invented the flying car. I will give it to you on one condition." [He uses an obvious German accent to do the scientist's line.]
What's the condition?
He's not going to tell you.
Then it's no deal.
The guy is offering you the flying car. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Just take the car, man.
Not until I know what the catch is.
Fine, the catch is you gotta cut off a foot.
Pffft, no way.
Are you saying you wouldn't cut off your foot for the flying car? You're that selfish?
It's my foot! How am I supposed to walk?
What 'walk'? You'll have the flying car. Imagine the money you'd make off of it. After that you could buy fifty prosthetic feet.
Well... which foot. Right or left?
Your choice.
Okay, I'll trade my left foot for the flying car.
So it's a deal then. Your foot for the flying car. You're sure.
Yes, I'm sure.
You can't welch.
I won't welch.
Because the whole world is counting on you.
What the hell kind of scientist is this guy anyway?
One with a lot of free time on his hands. And a foot fetish. So, then what happens is you find out the guy's going to take off your foot with a hacksaw—
What?
And no anesthetic.
Screw that!
Come on, it's part of the deal.
You didn't say that before!
Come on, it only hurts when they're taking the foot off. After that they'll use a local on your stuff and cauterize the wound.
Why can't I have the local before he cuts it off??
Because. He is a sick degenerate that watched too many WWII documentaries and likes to inflict pain.
You said he was a man of science!
You don't think Einstein liked hacking people's feet off, but nobody ever said a thing about it because he was one of the greatest thinkers of our time. Come on, man, take the hit for the team. It's a few seconds of pain for a lifetime of riches and zero traffic.
Fiiiine. As long as I get the local as soon as he's done cutting.
So you want the local?
Who am I, the Marquis de Sade? Yes, I want the local!
... All right.
Why'd you say it like that for?
It's just, the local he gives you knocks you out, and when you're out he diddles your peeny.
Oh come on!
Hey, man. You made the deal.
To trade my foot for the flying car! Not to be tortured and molested by some mad German scientist.
And his friends.
What?
Just, when he's done with you he gives his friends a shot at you too.
Deal's off!
What are you, some kind of homophobe?
No, I just don't want to be diddled by some insane German scientist and his friends after they've hacked my foot off!
Need I remind you this is for the flying car?
It ain't worth it!
See, you're what's wrong with this world. You're always thinking about your own comfort level, never thinking about the rest of us. And you'll forever be remembered as the sad footnote in the book of life, the wimpy little scumbag who could've breached the chasm of becoming and being, but instead opted to cover his own ass and foot in the process.
All right! I'll go through with the deal. I'll let the German scientist hack my foot off, then him and his friends can have their way with me, all for the flying caaaaaar.
...You'd do it with a bunch of guys just to get a car?
...
I thought I knew you, man.