Emerald Sustrai (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
unhappy) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
prismatica2020-05-18 02:15 am
unhappy) wrote in prismatica2020-05-18 02:15 am
text; un: ems
I'm sick of trying to feel better about everything and being kind and showing everyone oh look moonblessed are harmless teehee let's just
be angry
anon is fine
come tell me who or what makes you angry, get it out there
[ Emerald is not anon, but she doesn't mind if any characters are. Unless otherwise stated, please assume she is not responding anonymously. She doesn't know how to cope with feelings of loss, so this is the best and most productive thing she could think of to try to get it out without wanting to punch everyone she speaks to in the face like she has for the past couple of weeks. So please, vent with her and be angry. ]
be angry
anon is fine
come tell me who or what makes you angry, get it out there
[ Emerald is not anon, but she doesn't mind if any characters are. Unless otherwise stated, please assume she is not responding anonymously. She doesn't know how to cope with feelings of loss, so this is the best and most productive thing she could think of to try to get it out without wanting to punch everyone she speaks to in the face like she has for the past couple of weeks. So please, vent with her and be angry. ]
no subject
Did you decide on one?
no subject
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Right?
It's the same time
As the flower festivals in my home too
It's a good day
no subject
It was good.
Sei disappeared right after that though, so I'm not sure how good it really was. Maybe I shouldn't have picked one.
no subject
Not your fault
That has nothing to do with it
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It still feels like
I don't know
Like things finally were going good for the first time and I asked for too much
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I'm not going to pretend to understand what you're going through
That's not fair to you
Or anyone
But that feeling
That everything was ripped away as soon as you were happy
I know it too
Emerald-san
You're allowed to be angry
no subject
I don't know how to do anything with it but hurt and I don't want to do that to anyone who doesn't have it coming
[ She's scared she's going to lash out at someone who doesn't deserve it. She knows she's capable of picking very dangerous fights that have gotten some bad attention on her and Mercury even before this because of her snap-reactions. She doesn't think past a certain point of anger and she doesn't want to become someone like that because she can't contain it. ]
no subject
Can't you get angry on your own?
In your own space
Where no one has to see
It hurts
But I think not letting those feelings out
Hurts even more
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i moved in with chihiro a while ago
it's all his space
[ because emerald has no idea how to be a healthy person with a personal life that doesn't center around people she cares about. she's never had her own space. ]
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That it's all his space
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[ It's not Mayuzumi's fault, it's a long history of no one wanting her until the one person who did only wanted her for her usefulness and made sure she knew her place. Before that, she was homeless. It's difficult for her to conceive of a space as her own so much as someone else's space she wants to remain in. So even if she has stuff that she has in the apartment, in her head, it's still his space and she's lucky to be allowed. Even if she's done a lot of work with other people to try to get past certain other things, that's not something she's ever really voiced before. ]
It doesn't matter, I'll figure something out.
no subject
If you say so
You could try the beach when it's empty
Or find another place
Without many people
Um
If I can help
Let me know
no subject
Thanks.
[ He played her little game and talked to her, both a distraction and commisseration. It was something, anyway. ]
When I calm down let's watch a movie again sometime
no subject
Ok
Just let me know when